Monday, March 31
This morning we boarded a plane bound for Nepal on an emerging markets inspection tour. We hoped to investigate the post-election case for Buying Nepal, whose elections will be held on April 12.
But soon after take-off a wave of nausea overcame us. The Phantom Day Traders were sick to a man.
The cause was Earth Hour, from which we are still recovering. During this rather infantile gesture to candle-makers, we burned enough carbon to re-fog London and endured considerable personal pain.
Pyres of burning wood filled FastCash's living room. Hundreds of candles graced the skirting boards and cornicing. The place stank. Several day traders were rushed to hospital suffering smoke inhalation.
It didn't stop there. Byron Dawn, our leisure industries analyst, was concussed when he hit his head on the cistern: we had forgotten to put candles in the lavatory.
And Yogi, our senior chartist, was mugged on his way home. Several yobs took the opportunity of darkness to relieve him of a cheque for $7.12 - his latest dividend from some two-bit company.
I can't think of a more dangerous thing to do than shut off the lights in a big city.
"It was, of course, another staggering exercise in First World hypocrisy and futility," declared Doomsday, our bear market analyst. "The Ugandans who live on the shores of the Upper Nile would love to switch off their electricity for a few minutes. Problem is, they don't have any electricity."
Tuesday, April 1
The perpetual darkness of the Upper Nile livened us up, and we began to think of investment opportunities in what is laughingly referred to these days as The Developing World.
I wondered what Ethiopian and Somalian development are up to.
Sudan is a rather busted flush, given troubles on the border. And one can assume the Chadian stockmarket has turned toxic, if it ever existed. Angola is still sort of off-limits. But Botswana has some great opportunities, as does the little entrepot of Ghana.
Ghanaian tomatoes, for example, are the world's finest; as are Madagascan sugar and Ethiopian coffee. But they're excluded from First World markets; apparently they're too competitive and cheap and delicious.
So the Europeans make do with revolting, expensive sugar beet; organic tomatoes and Nescafe. Any surplus is dumped at knockdown prices on Ghana, Ethiopia and Madagascar in the guise of charity, thus crushing the local producers.
"The answer to which is: for God's sake, free world trade!" said FastCash, outraged.
Back in Asia, Bangladesh and Bhutan are rumoured to be hot prospects by a mate who runs the Himalayan Emerging Market Fund. But he's a deeply unreliable dope.
Meanwhile, Tibet has fallen off a cliff, thanks to the Chinese jackboot that lazily crushes any flicker of resistance to the interests of 1.2 billion Chinese nationalists who cannot seem to understand that they are the problem. I suppose that leaves Nepal, whither we flew in high spirits today after a night in Bangkok.
Wednesday, April 2
We spent our first day in Kathmandu in a bar in a cloud of orange smoke, chatting about the subprime crisis with American hippies who mistook us for comedians.
"Don't stop. Owowowo, these boys are hilarious. Go on!" said an American called Ben.
"Well," said Yogi, indignantly continuing, "we believe the subprime menace is over, and the Nepalese rupee is at an optimal level for investment in the local yak industry. We believe the thanka market is also pregnant with opportunity."
"Pffffshhhiiiittt ... I can't take these boys, " shouted one, creasing up with laughter.
"You may well laugh ..." said Doomsday.
"We may?! WE WILL LAUGH!" shrieked another American, a bond trader called Don.
Thursday, April 3
With heavy heart and aching limbs we wrapped up our Nepalese Investment Roadshow. Nobody attended except a young Sherpa who was always tensing his neck.
"Hello," he said. "My name Sherpa Flensing. I show you up mountain. Very nice investment opportunity. Just 200 rupee."
We went to bed - in a backpacker's dump off the main drag through Thamel. Doomsday was accused of distributing bedbugs. His bed was full of them. Clearly they were his responsibility and manifestly not Nepal's.
Friday, April 4
Doomsday's head appeared on the cover of the Himalayan Times, under the headline: "Westerner accused of spreading bed bugs in Nepal".
There were local journalists on the doorstep, so we fled out the back to find Sherpa Flensing. "Very nice. We go up Annapurna today. Do you have boots?"
