Diary of a Day Trader Columns
Saturday November 22, 2008
When grannies made a killing
Monday We camped by a bayou in southern Alabama and talked about the good old days.
Saturday November 15, 2008
Rednecks, white hoods, blue chips
Monday It's been a long, hard weekend in Alabama, whence we repaired to study the Obama effect in the deep south. The good ol' boys are in a frenzy. The local KKK chapter has lapsed into a catatonic stupor.
Saturday November 08, 2008
Belly up in a sub-prime hootenanny
Monday We flew into Los Angeles and were promptly frisked, strip-searched and dumped in a holding pen for special fanatics.
Saturday November 01, 2008
Any old moose in a meltdown
Monday "This darn dead cat just keeps on bouncing its lil ol' arse off," observed Yogi, our senior chartist, lapsing into a mid-west American drawl. He was referring to Mimi, our syndicate cat, which does seem to keep bouncing.
Saturday October 25, 2008
An unsavoury Roman holiday
I had a rare brain explosion. Suddenly I saw things with extraordinary clarity.
Saturday October 18, 2008
A brainstorm amid all the madness
Monday "It's another dead cat bounce," shouted Yogi, our senior chartist, as we watched the market soar.
Saturday October 11, 2008
Up and down like kangaroo futures
"For three millennia the human race has been expelling too much methane gas and it has ruined the environment," said Doomsday.
Saturday October 04, 2008
Shirty, until the words sunk in
Monday WE'RE not sure what we did to deserve Drew Watson, a day trader who appeared, uninvited, at today's investment briefing dressed in a pair of Adidas slip-ons, cream chinos, a blue T-shirt and a little cap.
Saturday September 27, 2008
Dispatched to the land of whittlers
Monday This weekend we convened an Emergency Investment Summit to discuss the meltdown. The meeting went all day.
Saturday September 20, 2008
Bedside tips from Brother Percy
Monday Pamela Vortex, our inside trader, got wind of Lehman Brothers' collapse about two months ago, via her love affair with the oldest living Lehman Brother, Percy Boisenberry Lehman, who lives in a nursing home in Stanmore.
Saturday September 13, 2008
Unfortunate tour to the extremities
Monday: We postponed our American tour - and long-awaited audience with Warren Buffett - pending the construction of our Irresponsible Investment Portfolio.
Saturday September 06, 2008
A slightly ludicrous Western notion
Monday We sat back in tender anticipation of the event of the month, the Sixth International Responsible Investment Conference, on September 24-25. As deeply irresponsible investors, we found the notion of responsible investing endearingly quaint.
Saturday August 23, 2008
Hard to charge a napping target
"Once more unto the breach, dear friends, once more!" Yogi cried out as he rallied for our investment briefing this morning.
Saturday August 16, 2008
Shares spring forward and fall back
Monday: Ah, spring is in the air. The first wisps of dandelion; the early cry of swallow and kookaburra; the sound of lawnmower and hedge clipper; the flabby, unseasonal flesh on Bondi promenade … all conjure a sense of change, of rebirth, of a fresh start.
Saturday August 09, 2008
Cuddly lambs with baggy bottoms
At this time of the year one's thoughts invariably turn to ethical investment.
Saturday August 02, 2008
All doom and gloom, so get real
Stockbrokers are naturally optimistic about the future - an admirable quality but expensive conditioning.
The buck stops there in voodoo
Monday: We were sitting in a Starbucks cafe yesterday when it shut down.
Saturday June 28, 2008
Managing the beast within us all
Monday: The anger management course recommended by the Prime Minister did not improve our stock-picking skills.
Saturday June 21, 2008
To invest, without froth or foam
Monday It's odd how rarely I see my long-suffering fiancee Grace these days.
Saturday May 31, 2008
Jim felt the alternative to Bill posters
Monday, May 26 There comes a time in every day trader's life when he or she will contemplate the case for investing in what are politely known as "alternative investments".
Saturday May 24, 2008
The future's still in oil ... cooking oil
Monday: We pondered the case for cornering the Australian market in used cooking oil.
Saturday May 17, 2008
Crazy about kroons and cockatoos
Monday The word among the Phantom Daytraders is that it's time to abandon "our dubious, rather unhelpful role in life" and get serious jobs, wives and homes.
Saturday May 10, 2008
Ethics of a banana-less non-republic
Monday, May 5 The misery on the streets, the despair in the bus queues, the wan faces on our kiddies … all conspired to suggest the Phantom Day Traders had returned to a country on the threshold of profound economic malaise. Nepal, by comparison, looked positively buoyant; at least they smiled at us.
Saturday May 03, 2008
Yak hoods and dal baht funds
We survived our encounter with Big Mick Gatto, then there was the apprehension about what awaited us below.
Friday April 25, 2008
A yak with Gatto, a spiritual high point ... and a Skase encounter
Big Mick Gatto and his mates sat cross-legged in Muktinath and gazed across the Annapurna Ranges in search of the Opes Prime booty.
Saturday April 19, 2008
Hundreds of little Maoists and three fat guts
Monday, April 14 Onwards we trekked, in single file, up the Annapurna Ranges. Despite our promising start, I had to admit that our emerging market inspection tour of Nepal had not borne fruit … unless one included the yak micro-finance initiative initiated by Yogi at the last village. He gave them $200; they gave us yak hoods.
Saturday April 12, 2008
Mao is dead, but a giant yak lives on in the Annapurna foothills
Monday, April 7. We were not at all surprised to meet our first yak halfway up Ghorapani: Nepal is, after all, the home of the yak.
Saturday April 05, 2008
Emerging markets prospects can't hold a candle to First World futility
Monday, March 31: This morning we boarded a plane bound for Nepal on an emerging markets inspection tour. We hoped to investigate the post-election case for Buying Nepal, whose elections will be held on April 12.
Saturday March 29, 2008
A fairy penguin in Kathmandu will beat a run on Reykjavik
Monday, March 24: We delayed our Nepal emerging market trip until we establish why we're going. We retraced our emails to discover who, in his right mind, had suggested Nepal.
Saturday March 22, 2008
Need some easy money? Open a bank
Monday, March 17: Days before our investment summit Yogi, our senior share chartist, came up with the idea of opening a bank. "Yes, I really think I can do it," he said. "I really do."
Saturday March 15, 2008
Clinton to a garden gnome, the summit shapes up
Monday, March 10: The "Day Traders' 2021 Stockmarket Summit: The Way Forward", struck its first hitch this afternoon: it seems the Prime Minister won't be attending.
Saturday March 08, 2008
Yak, yakka and a rushed breakfast on the way to the summit
Monday, March 3 SUDDENLY we were very busy. We raised ourselves from our beds, and rolled up our sleeves. It was time to do some hard work.
